Learning to be humble

For these past two weeks, I have prayed almost every day for the Lord to help me be humble and become humbled.

I prayed for it everyday, and I didn't really know what to expect. I had done this once before, and a friend warned me that it's pretty risky to do that because when the Lord humbles you, he really humbles you.

I wasn't sure if I truly believed that. But, after that was said, I avoided asking to be humbled in my prayers.

But I don't know what caused it, but a few weeks ago, I got on my knees, and I decided that I needed to pray and ask to be humbled. I felt it was something that I needed to do. I told God that whatever challenge he gave me, that I would need his help to have the strength to endure it, and I closed the prayer and sighed, wondering what could become of it.

This week, I had a humbling experience. But I didn't even realize it until I was completely finished with it.

We have weekly cleaning checks, but this week, it was called "white glove check".. which just means that it's going to be more strict, and more difficult.

I cleaned my room as I do every week, and then I cleaned the toilet, which is my part for the week to clean. After we got checked, we were informed that we failed the cleaning test, but we could have a re-check. So we cleaned again. After the re-check, we failed again. Which meant that we would be charged $50 or we could do 5 hours of community service.

I was infuriated. I don't want to spend $50 on something such as a cleaning fine, nor do I want to spend 5 hours doing community service.

If you know me, you know that I love being right, and that I'm probably one of the most stubborn people you could meet.. besides maybe my Dad,  that's where I get it from. :)

And I love my stubbornness. I always have. It makes me feel full of power, and in all honestly, I am always right, and I always win. So this time, I wasn't going down without a fight.

I was so angry that I called the housing department explaining the situation and trying to put down the name of the woman who did the cleaning check. I then cleaned my room in a sarcastic-type of way. I emptied everything from sights view. I placed everything in my closet, and I took everything off my desk. I hid my blanket and pillow and my sheet and I took everything out of the bathroom and put them all hidden from sight in my dresser drawers and closet. This way, I was sure that there would be nothing that she could fail me on.

I then, proceeded to get allies. I invited my roommates into my anger. One roommate wrote a hate letter to the woman, while I wrote cruel notes all around that room that expressed sarcastic comments like "Clean enough yet?"

And then we had 24 hours to wait until her arrival.

Within those 24 hours, they were probably the most defining of that whole situation.

I proceeded to brag about my doings to my roommates as we laughed and spread angry words. I, then, invited other friends into my room so that they could see what I had done.

Other laughed along too, as I invited them to join my hateful game, which I was determined to win.

It wasn't until I invited two friends in, who took their stand, and told me how they felt, and how what I was doing was wrong.

I made them leave my room and then I was infuriated with them also. I now had three enemies instead of just one. And two of them, are two of my best friends here.

I went to bed and before I did, I knelt down again. This time I was a little fearful, my conscious was weighing on me, and I felt bad for pretending I was so righteous as I knelt down before the Lord. I didn't have much to say. I just told God that I loved him and I was thankful, and I quickly added for him to help me pass my cleaning check, and to be a better person.

I went to sleep. In the morning, I woke up. And it was a new day. And I looked at my spotless room, and then I looked around with all the notes that defiled it's cleanliness and purity. And I looked at myself. I saw my beautiful self in the mirror, and then I saw the hate and anger that defiled my cleanliness and purity.

I was so ashamed.
I took down the notes. I talked with my roommates. They felt the same way. We took down the hate letter. And we all kind of just talked about how, it wasn't the right thing to do.

I made amends with my friends and apologized to them.

And then I went to the temple this morning, and I thought about what had happened.

I chose to have so much hate, for a woman who was only doing her job. The job that she cared about, the job that helps support her family. The job that she is responsible for, and the rooms she is responsible for. And she was just trying to teach me to be responsible, and clean better than I had before.

I was humbled. I am sorry. And what I did was wrong.

The Lord will humble you each and every day, if you ask, and it is the best feeling after he does. Now I can look at myself in the mirror, and see that I am pure, and that I am lovely, that I am cleaner than I have been before, because I have learned to love and serve, even when I felt I was the person who was more right.


In Jesus Name,
Amen