True Discipleship

Okay so two things you need to know about me.
I'm the most impatient person in the whole entire world.
And secondly, when I'm being impatient, I'm the most irritable person in the whole entire world.

I don't know what's been up with me lately, but I've been sluggish and tired, not feeling well, and just straight out exhausted.

I didn't want to go to church yesterday. But I did, because it's the right thing to do. And it was fast Sunday, and so it seemed to make my day even longer.

I woke up this morning, and I knew the way I was feeling. So I said my morning prayer. I included asking for the courage and energy to go to Family Home Evening (A youth group that our church does on Monday nights).

As the time grew closer, the temptation not to go, got even bigger. Home was sounding better and better as 7pm was rolling around.

But at 6:55pm, I got my stuff all ready, and decided to go. I showed up 10 minutes late, but it being "Mormon Standard Time", I arrived before the lesson even started.

And since the moment I stepped out of my car until the moment that I got back home, I was needed.
It started out with helping a friend open the doors of the car and wheel one of my very best friends in to get to FHE. (Family Home Evening). Then after I got in, a friend immediately stood to give me a hug and say hello. Then another friend who I haven't seen for a few months wanted to speak with me. The night moved on. A good friend needed a photo with me. Other people needed to talk to me.

Then one of the church leaders needed to have a meeting with me, right as I was trying to leave. And then after the meeting, another lovely girl in our branch (another word for church congregation), needed my opinion about classes. And then someone else just wanted to talk.

I was exhausted. I had only planned on staying 45 minutes. But I stayed for 2 hours.

So when I finally made it to my car, stomping the whole way there because I wanted to be home. I turned on the engine, and said "I'm sorry God, for being so mad" and naturally, as the healthiest way that I deal with my anger...
I blasted the music as loud as I could and I screamed almost all the way home until I couldn't scream anymore.

Finally, when my voice ran out, and the songs were over... I cried.

I didn't even want to go, but then I did, and it seemed I never even got a break, and it was wayyy longer than expected.

I don't really know the point of this story.
But I think some days, there are days where you feel like you just can't go anymore. It's like your a car, and your engine died. Or you're a bike, and the pedals are gone. Or you're a plane and both your wings got cut off, so you just spiral down, you just let go of the wheel and hope you make it to the next day.

I, then think of Christ, there isn't a moment in the bible where it says that Jesus just chilled, and watched a show. Or that he slept in, or that he took a nap.

No. In fact, it's just the opposite.
It seems as if every single moment of Jesus' short lived life (probably mid 20's when he died), Every single moment was spent on someone else.

He walked past the fisherman, and said "come follow me and be fishers of men" then he taught them. Even when he was like 12, he was teaching the Pharisee's in the temple. Then when Lazarus parents ran to Jesus and needed him to raise Lazarus, and when he needed to turn 2 loaves of bread and some fish to feed 500 people. And then when he needed to change the water to wine for the wedding, and then when he needed to have the last supper to give us remembrance of the sacrifice he made for us.

Jesus was a man that just "GO GO GO" He was like an energizer bunny. But probably not as hyper, probably more calm, mature, collected, and probably not like me, screaming at the top of his lungs because a few people asked him a few questions.

Jesus did it all, and he never once complained. He just took it, because he loves us all, and he wants to help all of us.

It really humbles me. It puts me in a place where I realize, I can't be thinking of myself. I can't be so angry and mad, when people show their love for me, or show their need of me. I should be grateful that people even noticed I was there.

Jesus did so much, and he never stopped to think of himself. Even at his last moments he said "Father forgive them, for they know not what they do."

He wasn't thinking about himself  or his pain. He was thinking of his fellow brethren who were being crucified right beside him.

I think that's what I learned tonight. Jesus was never about himself. Jesus never is about himself. He is about everyone else, except himself, and that's why Jesus is happy. That's why Jesus has more glory than any other person who has ever lived. He has the glory because he helps everyone else experience joy and happiness and glory.

That's true discipleship, to someday, to learn to lose yourself in the service of others.
Then can you experience true joy.

In the name of Jesus Chirst,
-Amen