This is about Enos. A guy in the scriptures who was like all of us. He had sins and mistakes and all manner of problems.
I feel a lot like Enos right now. One part of this scripture describes a wrestle that Enos has with God.
And I wonder, how the heck did a messed up dude like Enos, wrestle the all powerful and all perfect person like God. I mean, I don't know if it's a more a physical wrestle or spiritual, or maybe both, but yeah right would I want to ever wrestle against someone so grand as God.
But then I think of a father-son relationship, when the boy is young, the father roughs him up a bit, plays tough so that the boy can grow stronger. And then later on, when the boy is in high school, the dad is a lot tougher and really pushes his son so that he can become even stronger.
Sometimes, the father even makes it so the son fails, that he "loses" the wrestle, so the next time, he has more motivation and a better ability to not give up.
I feel like I've been in a wrestle with God, just like Enos. That I've been wrestling God for a long time. Especially in these past two years of a spiritual awakening and going on a mission, and going to rehab, struggling with sobriety, and being on and off medications that try to help me, struggling with relationships, friendships, places to live, and finding a support system.
I feel like all of this is a huge wrestle with God and that he's let me fail and lose the wrestle, just so I can learn how to get up and try harder next time.
I feel like right now, is "next time". I gotta try a bit harder this time and use the muscle I learned and gained from the last time. And keep trying even though I don't feel strong enough.
The best part is though, that God is never gonna give me too much that I'll lose indefinitely. He will always help me get back up, and be stronger and more ready to fight than the last time.
I need some prayers right now, as we all need help sometimes, I need some help right now too, to keep up the wrestle and to not give up.
I'm grateful for God and I know he is carrying me right now.
in Jesus Name,
Amen
