I was reading this morning in Alma 36, my second favorite chapter in the Book of Mormon!
And I felt like Alma, I had made a lot of mistakes in my life. And so did Alma, he describes it as this Alma 36: 12 "But I was racked with eternal torment, for my soul was harrowed up to the greatest degree and racked with all my sins."
I too felt that same way. I felt like I truly had lead away so many souls into the depths of hell. I was a leader and, the choices I chose, lead people away from God rather than towards God and good things in their life.
Just like everyone, I have my past, I have my big closet of skeletons and mistakes I've made that I can't take back. But, just like everyone, we are all given the chance to change and be better each and every day through Jesus Christ, and that's exactly what Alma did. He became better.
He cried unto the Lord and asked him for his help and asked to be forgiven, he cried unto the Lord with all his might and said, I'm sorry, please help me, please forgive me!
That's exactly how I felt: down to that very scripture in Alma when it says that he cried within his heart. I cried within my heart, I knelt down and I asked the Lord to help me, to forgive me, and to show me that he truly did love me and he truly was there.
It was at that moment that I felt it. I felt his love surround me, I felt this overwhelming happiness that could never be felt from anything else except it be through the great Love of our Lord and God, Even Jesus Christ himself. I didn't physically feel him, but the Holy Spirit testified to me that these things were true, the missionaries who taught me truly were representatives of Jesus Christ and that this church is His Church, and that he wanted me with all his heart to repent and be baptized and become a part of His church.
I quote Alma when I say "And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more." (Alma 36:19)
And after that moment, I changed my life around. It wasn't just instant and it sure wasn't easy. I had caused a lot of pain to all those around me; and I'm still working on making up for it. But the joy that I felt can never overpass any pain or sorrow that I had gone through. Alma states: "And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!" (Alma 36: 20) This was my joy. My joy was greater than any amount of pain.
And I quote Alma in my words and state:
"Yea, and from that time even until now, I have labored without ceasing, that I might bring souls unto repentance; that I might bring them to taste of the exceeding joy of which I did taste; that they might also be born of God, and be filled with the Holy Ghost." (Alma 36:24)
I'm serving a mission. I'm doing all that I can so that those around me can also feel the joy that I feel and that their pains can be turned into joy.
"And I have been supported under trials and troubles of every kind, yea, and in all manner of afflictions; yea, God has delivered me from prison, and from bonds, and from death; yea, and I do put my trust in him, and he will still deliver me." (Alma 36:27)
The Lord has delivered me from all kinds of bondage and difficulties and trials and spiritual death, and has allowed me to put my trust in him and has delivered me ever since.
That's why I am a member of this church, that's why I know that God loves me. I know that Jesus Christ is my Savior and there is nothing more in this life that will bring any more joy than having the sacred opportunity to repent and be baptized and join with the fold of God and be a part of the Sheep's pasture to now go and declare the word to help others who have lost their way.
I love this church, I love Jesus Christ. Those two go together because this is Christ's church, every single part of it!
I'm grateful that I have 2 full years a member of this church, I'm grateful I can now serve as a missionary and represent Christ and His church. I'm grateful for a God who loves me. I'm grateful I'm a daughter of my Heavenly Father.
I write these things in the name of our Savior, Jesus Christ, Amen.
(Surrounded by people I love and who love me. Sister Thompson (my companion) and I, August 12, 2015)
